everyone bails.

blahblahblahblahblahblahblah.

no one reads this anymore, so i'll write here.

fuck i feel like shit sometimes and i've got no one to talk to about it. there is no real reason for it, maybe i've just realised that growing up and leaving school is fucking shit. yeah.

its been so long.

i'm only writing here because i know no one that actually reads this piece of shit blog will read too far into what i say.
(not that i'm planning on saying much anyway)
i'm really bored of my life, and i've become really complacent in the way i approach things because of it. my life is by no means 'bad' however. absolutely not. my life is realistically, pretty wonderful. i just want an adventure, and i want it now.
i need change. i want my future. i want to know where i'm going. i want to know where i'm moving. i want to know who's coming with me. i want to know who to abandon. i want to end up with you.




selfish, i know. i probs just need a hug.

it seems i have little to write about these days. eff!

accepting all those who seek.

'All I see is the wonder of you, Lord, around me. Accepting all those who seek, in the power of Your grace.'

I haven't had much to say on here in a while, and I guess that's probably because, if I'm honest, usually I'm here to have a whinge about my life, and lately everything's been pretty awesome, so I've just not been in an emotional enough mood to write some lengthy post about how I feel about something, but here goes. Jesus, is someone I feel very passionate about. Sometimes, even the strongest of Christians go through doubt, trials, and 'dry spells' in their spirit, and thats all g, however the passion for God still remains, and thats where I'm at right now. Simply not quite knowing what move to make next, but knowing I want it to be for God, because even though I'm feeling a little lost, I still know within myself that anything I do, its gotta be for God.


I just bought this song off itunes which my lovely boyfriend introduced me to, called 'Wondrous Grace' from C3 Church, and I've gotta say, something in the chorus' and bridge of that song makes me feel so fired up for God, that I just had to come here and talk about him. Thinking about the other posts I've written about Jesus, all I ever really talk about is how things in the church could change, and the rest of it, I keep pretty basic. So here we go, I'm going to talk about my faith, and how I worship my God. Legit.

My approach to lovin' Jesus is three simple steps.

Faith. Hope. Love.

Now those three little words are thrown around a lot when christians talk about God, but I'll explain what they mean to me.


1. Faith. 
I believe that faith is essential for any christian. Not just in the fact that God exists, but also in his mercy, his love, his worthiness of trust, in that he created every single thing that man knows about (and beyond that), and in that he sent his one and only son, the embodiment of himself, to this earth, to die for our sins as a sacrifice, so that we may come to God and spend eternity living in him.


Belief is such an important part of my life, and often I'll sit in class, look around and think "I wonder how many of the people in here are christians. Man my life would be empty if I didn't have God.". That statement is wholly true. My entire life's purpose, I believe, is totally for God. I have chosen to live out my days studying his word and singing to him, and I will do that with great joy and exuberance. I think when people feel a little run down in their love for God, its because they've lost focus of their faith on its own, and are just relying on their own particular giftings or attending church on a regular basis to get them through their daily, christian lives. I'm not saying I don't do this, because believe me, I do. I'm just saying without faith, whats the point of even being a christian? You need it both initially, and always. You need to believe whole heartedly that God loves you, created you, and sent his son for you. Yeah.


I'll combine 2 and 3 together here, because I reckon Hope and Love go pretty well together.


Hope and Love are so vitally important for any person on the face of the planet, not just christians. The difference is that whilst worldly things will fade, God is eternally standing strong and will not fail us, ever, no matter how much we screw up or abandon him. I love knowing that when I earnestly seek God with a hope in my heart, he's gonna show up. When I put in 1% of the effort, he puts in the other 99% and meets me where I'm at. He's ready when I am, and thats what I love about God. He's not gonna push me away, nor is he going to yank me back towards himself without me having a say in it. He gives me freewill, but hes still in control and knows what I'm giving. He gives us countless opportunities to accept him into our lives, and that right there, is hope enough for me. Those who accept God have hope in heaven, and I'm pretty keen for that. 


Love. My favourite word in the english language. The whole Christian faith is based on love. The whole bible is based on love. Jesus is love. God is love. People need love. Where better to seek it than God? He's forever there, ready to accept us with open arms no matter what, and I love that. Jesus could've saved himself when he died on that cross, but he didn't, because he was thinking further ahead. He could see the bigger picture. He knew that after all the suffering he went through, he'd be able to enter relationships with us. So as he took the weight of the entire worlds sin, he did it for everyone he knew he'd get to meet and love on whole heartedly. 


The term 'christian', literally means 'little christ'. All God asks of humanity is to live with him, and try to live as Christ lived. The one thing I think christians, as people, need to work on most is being christ-like. Jesus never once ignored a person. He never condemned a person for being different. He never put others down. He never fought or cheated at anything. He was totally sin free. While being sinless is simply impossible for humans to achieve, it is ridiculous for Christians to shove their beliefs down the throats of others and not give them a chance to speak, and its even more ridiculous to keep their minds totally closed off to the world. We need to know whats happening in order to do our job we were given to do on earth. What was that? Love God, and love others. Relating this back to my initial quote from 'Wondrous Grace', to be Christ-Like, we've got to be accepting, and God accepts all those who seek him. We should accept people, no matter how different they are to us, like God accepted us. None of us are perfect, and lets face it, even us Christians can be pretty effed up sometimes, but God still loves and accepts us hey. Probably the main reason I worship him with everything I've got, He's so worth it, for what He's done for me.


So there it is. Faith, Hope and Love.


I'm not trying to say I'm a perfect christian. Such a thing doesn't exist. I'm just saying that no matter how you approach your faith, just make sure its Christ-Centred.


I'm gonna go sing to Jesus now, cause thats how I roll. Its funny how i intended to write this post about worship and ended up talking about something totally different. God works in mysterious ways. Ha.

'I will sing songs of praise to You my King. That You my God, be exalted.'

cheering myself up.

i put this on my tumblr too. but who cares.

fifty little things that i love about my life.

1. having a random dream that makes me laugh the second i wake up from it.

2. brushing my teeth. such a good feeling.

3. waking up without being woken up.

4. wearing xxl mens plaid pj pants.

5. when you get out of a pool, have a shower, and put warm clothes on.

6. finally nailing a perfect cup of coffee, and feeling like a boss.

7. finding albums that you love every single track of.

8. the sound of a perfect high five.

9. laughing uncontrollably, and then forgetting why you're laughing but you can't stop.

10. singing westlife songs with my best friends.

11. bonfires. i really love bonfires.

12. having a cleaned out car.

13. having credit. i'm a bit of a serial texter.

14. daylight savings, and when it ends.

15. being a christian. i love it.

16. singing really loudly, even if it sounds shit.

17. my parents. they're great, even if they annoy me til all hell breaks loose sometimes.

18. the occasional piece of brotherly advice my brother gives me from time to time.

19. making a cake. one that everyone likes.

20. blowing bubbles.

21. really long showers.

22. getting into bed with freezing feet, and feeling them warm up the longer you stay there.

23. unexpected, nice texts from people.

24. my dog. hes so cute with his curly fur :D

25. visiting melbourne. i miss that place so much.

26. getting lost. 

27. finding where you're going, after getting lost.

28. hanging out til all hours of the morning, doing nothing, just cruisin.

29. travelling.

30. planning trips with friends.

31. my boyfriend. hes a bit of alright.

32. hannah, gen, dave, joel, emma and chloe. you guys mean the world to me.

33. getting my car serviced. mmm, squeaky free.

34. sitting in the back seat of the car, driving through a downpour.

35. polishing my flute. its soooo pretty when its clean. haha.

36. jazz. i love jazz.

37. really good hugs when you didn't ask for them.

38. the feeling of a new magazine between your fingers.

39. our youth band. that group of people is so fantastic :)

40. thunderstorms.

41. opening the fridge to discover someones been shopping :D

42. spicy food.

43. dark chocolate.

44. getting out of a sauna, and jumping straight into the pool. best feeling.

45. nailing a performance when you thought you were gonna be shit.

46. when you feel like shit and then someone says 'you look really pretty today!', even though you know they're lying.

47. when no one expects you to be on time, but you are, and they're all like 'wow you're actually here!'

48. being thanked when you didn't expect it.

49. wrapping christmas presents!

50. playing hide and seek.

i love how simple my list is. haa.

i love it.

great. just what i needed..

maybe i think too much.

Usually I'm not one to care, but sometimes, I really wish I was more stereotypically girly than I am. Although I may love makeup and I spend more time blow drying/straightening than any human should, in my thought process, I'm just not that, well, girly I guess.


I never ever let it get to me until the last couple of weeks, where a couple of amazing events occurred that sent me over the moon and made me feel like I was going to die of a heart attack because I was just that happy. I guess I've just realised that I'm sick of this 'I'm so strong' part of my personality. I don't really know why I developed like this. I have very clear memories of slapping people when they'd tease me as a child, and defending myself and my friends when people would pick on us, but I always assumed that most children reacted to things in that way, and that I wasn't especially tough. They mean well, they really do, but everyone tells me how much of a hard-ass I am all the time. I'm really starting to wish I wasn't like this. Part of me takes pride in it. Part of me hates it.


I'm sure I've been made that way for a reason. I am absolutely certain that someday my lack of undisguised emotion will help me through circumstances where someone less than 'a pillar of strength' (not that I'd call myself that, exactly) will crumble and burst into tears, but I would love to be slightly softer. A 'hopeless romantic' for all things breathing, if you will. 


I still feel, dream, and love like a normal person. Perhaps for me, expressing my true self and my own emotions will be something I acquire with maturity, rather than something I was just born with. Maybe this is the reason I feel a little bit different to everyone else. Or maybe its more than that. Eh.


I hate the amount of times I say 'I' in this blog. Apologies.

bones.

jesus, i love you, and im so keen to spend this weekend with you.

LIVE OUT LOUD!

GOT NOTHING TO DO TOMORROW NIGHT?!

(thats friday, march eleven)

"no jess, i don't :/ "

WELL, GET YO' ASS TO THIS INCREDIBLE EVENT!! :D

'

awesome funtimes. heaps of young people. free bbq. kulture break. qld's cam bennett. aaaaand the drench youth band (which i happen to be in, so come if you love me).

see you all there people. its going to be so so so so so good :D

look at this quiz i found!

bored.

TEN HOW’S:

How did you get one of your scars?
a stick. while i was walking. everyone told me to man up, but now i have a hectic purple stripe on my foot.

How did you celebrate your last birthday?
with my best friends, and my family.

How are you feeling at this moment?
weird. really, really weird.

How did your night go last night?
yeah really good actually :)

How did you do in high school?
just passed. amazingly.

How did you get the shirt you’re wearing?
i walked into general pants, and i was like 'i'll buy that'. cool story.

How often do you see ur best friend?
i see all of them pretty often, luckily.

How much money did you spend last month?
far too much.

How old do you want to be when you get married?
maybe like, 24/25?

How old will you be at your next birthday?
eighteen. 

NINE WHAT’S:

Your mothers name?
roz.

What did you do last weekend?
party on up.

What is the most important part of your life?
jesus. music. family. friends.

What would you rather be doing?
nothing much. too lazy hey.

What did you last cry over?
it was an anger outlet.

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
chilling out to some music, drinking peppermint tea (i dont know why, but it seems to fix everything for me.. haha), standing around in the shower for ages and chucking on some pjs. yeah.

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
trustworthiness. sense of humour. determination. good work ethic.

What are you worried about?
friday. money.

What did you have for breakfast?
nothing at all.


EIGHT HAVE YOU’S:

Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
probs.

Have you ever had your heartbroken?
maybe.

Have you ever been out of the country?
sure have.

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
everyday.

Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
who hasn't?

Have you ever had sex on the beach?
no.

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
kind of.

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
yeah.


SEVEN WHO’S:

Who was the last person you saw?
dad.

Who was the last person you texted?
nat-hahhn.

Who was the last person you hungout with?
youth people.

Who was the last person to call you?
dave. but i missed it. whoops.

Who did you last hug?
maybe grace?

Who is the last person who texted you?
nat-hahhnn..

Who was the last person you said “i love you” to?
i don't even know. i've never been one to say it that often. strange, i know.


SIX WHERE?S:

Where does your best friend live?
they all live in canberra.

Where did you last go?
church.

Where did you last hang out?
music rooms.

Where do you go to school?
cc bro.

Where is your favorite place to be?
sydney.

Where did you sleep last night?
here.


FIVE DO’S/DOES:

Do you like someone right now?
yeop.

Do you think anyone likes you?
yeeeop.

Do you ever wish you were someone else?
sometimes. but then i realise how stupid that is and get over it.

Do you know the muffin man?
THE MUFFIN MAN?!

Does the future scare you?
no, it makes me freakin excited.


FOUR WHY’S:

Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?
because they are the most brilliant people i've ever had to fortune to come across in my entire life, and i love them so much its unbelievable.

Why did you get a myspace?
because it was way cool to have one in year seven. haha.

Why did your parents give you the name you have?
originally it was going to be siobhan or bonnie, but they didnt go too well with my last name. 

jessica was never an option, until i was born, and apparently it just kind of came out of my mothers mouth, and so it was.

Why are you doing this survey?
because i'm listening to music and wanted something else to do whilst i did that.


THREE IF’S:

If you could have one super power what would it be?
i'd be a flying mind reader.

-shifty eyes-

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
no.

If u were stranded on a deserted island & could bring one thing what would you bring?
i'd bring my friends. but merge them into one super person..


TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S:

Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
hm. one or two, if they'd matured a little. the rest of them? no. they're my ex's for a reason.

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
of course. but when is that ever going to come up in a real life situation? haha.


ONE LAST QUESTION

Are you happy with your life right now?
sure am. things are cruising along nicely.

klavier.

its funny the way the simplest of things make you realise how much you care about what you never thought you would. how they can make you realise who you really miss and who you could do without, what your dreams are, who you love, and where you want to go next.

heart-wrenching, in the most perfect of ways.

you are my sun right after the rain.

this is why i wish i was black.

god is the best :D

romance.

february fourteenth. valentines day.

unlike many, i love it. why? because valentines is about love, not about just couples in general, and i think people forget about this.

happy valentines, sexies!

i don't believe in romance, because i think its stupid. i dont need a candlelight dinner, a long walk on the beach or twelve-dozen roses to know if someone loves me, but i do dig love a bit, thus, valentines is the bomb.

missmissymissed.

i'm weeping warm honey and milk, that you stay surrounding me.

love.

occhh ayee.

"open up our eyes to see the things that you see, and not our circumstances.."

      "Fear not, for I am with you; 

      Be not dismayed, for I am your God. 

      I will strengthen you, 

      Yes, I will help you, 

      I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." 

isaiah 41:10

undiscovered culinary genius.

tonight i totally improvised, and came up with a dish i was so pleased with, that it shall become my new signature dish. so here's my recipe, i'm pretty proud. ENJOY.

Chorizo & Kalamata Olive Penne

Serves 4, I think.

Ingredients:

• 2  chorizo sausage, sliced.
• 3  garlic cloves, crushed.
• 1  brown onion, diced.
• 1 can of diced tomatoes
• 150g-200g pitted kalamata olives (to taste), sliced.
• 150g sun-dried tomatoes, sliced thinly.
• 150g butter beans (optional)
• 250g grape/cherry tomatoes.
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 2 tsp salt
• 3 tsp ground black peppercorns
• 1 tsp chilli powder
• 2 tsp paprika
• 2 tbsp fresh basil
• 1 tbsp fresh oregano
• 500g penne pasta
• enough fresh vegetable stock to 'loosen' the sauce as needed.

Method:

1. Heat your frypan and throw in the olive oil. When its heated, throw in the chorizo and stir until the sausage is sealed. Add onion and garlic, stirring for 2-3 minutes, or until the onion is transparent.
2. Chuck in the grape tomatoes and stir them in for about 30 seconds, followed by the diced tomatoes. Add in the chilli and paprika, stirring gently for 3 minutes. Gradually add the stock for liquid as needed. Meanwhile, you might wanna boil some water for the pasta, and pick your herbs from your garden, WIN! :D
3. Cook your pasta for around 12 minutes, and once the grape tomatoes are soft, crush them with the back of a spoon into the rest of the sauce. Add anymore stock if necessary, but you don't want it to turn into a soup. Turn down the heat a little so it doesn't start boiling.
4. Throw in the salt and ground peppercorns. Stir them in, but do it gently, especially if you've got beans in there, you don't want to break them. Eugghh..
5. You're nearly done! Drain out the pasta and serve it into bowls. 
6. While the sauce is still on the heat, add in the olives, sun-dried tomatoes and the oregano. Make sure this is done last minute, otherwise it will break down and you won't get the texture right :)
7. Serve the sauce on top of the pasta, garnish with some basil leaves, and presto! Mmm. Effing good.

look at that absolute masterpiece. i'm amazing hey ;D

plastic made dreams.

so, i can't remember exactly where i heard this, probably on the circle, but my god, did it infuriate me. apparently these days, size twelve girls are considered 'plus sized', where modelling is concerned. i'm being serious, google it. 

before i continue to rant, i'm not even going to bother trying to sound intelligent, so this is me, typing as i would any other day. i'm not gonna edit anything i say either. because i'm lazy :D

size twelve, is not, fat. and i'm sick of everyone thinking it is. i wear size twelve pants. yeah, i wear significantly smaller shirts, but i still wear twelves, and the fact is i've learnt to accept that i have a 'ghetto bootay' and move on with life. however, its things like this 'plus size' shit that probably gets to people like me. young girls, who care about nothing more than their outward appearance because we're aware that people are staring at us all the time, and we don't like the judgement we're faced with, from both males and females. this relates back to my 'power of the tongue' (or 'say') rant i had earlier this week, if you'd care to scroll down, but this is the negative side of things.

so whoever started saying this, screw you. 'plus size' is not a pretty word to a normal sized teenage girl. we already have enough shit to deal with as it is. i take pride in my giant legs and wide hips, and i honestly couldn't give a shit what assholes like you have to say about it.

don't tell me i'm unacceptable, or that i'm unattractive just because my hips aren't exactly the same measurement as both my waist annnd my bust. i'm not disgustingly thin like your models, and to be honest, i'm sure both myself and my friends, are far more attractive than any of those arrogant, catwalk bitches.

i'd laugh if some designer was looking at this.
ah yes, i can hear the whispers now;'what a fat bitch.'
yep. i really am.
deal :D

THANKS :D

in other news: i really dig this song. emma watson is a lucky woman ;D

warning sign.

oooh yeah :)