my vision.

so heres the bridge of a ccc song i just found. i heard it at an encounter service about two months ago, and its been running through my mind frequently. its pretty much my vision, i dig a fair bit. yeop.

i see a new day arising 

a church undivided 

we won’t be silent 

we lay down selfish desires 

the things that divide us 

we won’t be silent.

meine Freunde.

YO. WERRRRD UP.

so here's something i always wanted to say, despite my lack of expression when it comes to the way i feel about such things as affection.

i've never really tried to write something nice about friends before, and i'm feeling in credibly sappy already, wayhey!!

so to my friends; i love you. and i shouldn't need to name you for you to know who you are. there are a few of you who have been there for me without fail from the day i met you. you are truly the most beautiful people i know, and as i get older, i'm realising who my true friends are, and i never want to lose you. 

i know that friendships come and go, but i just can't imagine living without knowing you people. you guys have impacted me more than you'll ever know. you don't have to do anything massive and life-saving for me to appreciate you, but just be there.  there are so many qualities in you that i wish i could have, however i'm sure that i met you so you could make up for my lack of whatever you're strong in. i really, really admire you. 

it sometimes amazes me how you people can put up with me like you have. i take forever to get ready and i hold everyone up. i can be a little highly strung from time to time. i'll keep myself chill, sometimes too chill, until one single thing pisses me off, and i'll rant and rant and rant until i run out of breath. i'm scared of ridiculous things. i am incredibly lazy, even when i have people over. i get excited about things that won't come to pass for years, and i won't stop talking about them. i always run late to every social occasion - guaranteed. i talk about things you probably don't care about. through all of this, you stay around. you are amazing, legit.

so here's what i dig about you. you guys know who you are. hah.

you're caring.

you're strong.

you're intelligent.

you're understanding.

you're empathetic.

you're talented.

you're a protector. 

you're self sacrificing.

you're reliable.

you're beautiful in every way possible.

you're hilarious.

you're retarded :D

you're eccentric.

you have impeccable taste in music.

you're loving.

you're trustworthy.

you ladies see me at my worst, at my best, at my most irresponsible, at my fattest ;D and at my most psycho. i dig. you men keep me entertained by arguing like a married couple the whole time we're together, and will do anything for me. 

you're amazing haha. i have really got to stop using that word. ergh.

so yep, thats pretty much it. i guess i just wanted to say thanks for everything, and thanks in advance. i know we only have like, a year of school left and then we'll all be leaving to various places, but i'm pretty sure we'll still be homies. hah. 

i'm feeling well sappy now. this is so not me. but i feel bad receiving your compliments all the time and never returning the favour. i struggle, you know how i am, hahaha.

ILOVEYOUKBYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D

"i don't know whether to love it, or be creeped out."

"mmm.. yeah, some crazy danish staring at your ass, after eating a shitload of aphrodesiacs.."

-Emma Primrose

HAHAHA. how i love you emma.

no.

this cycle never ends. i don't want this anymore. it might stay dormant for long periods of time in between, but it's coming up three years that this has been going on, or at least from where i stand. there's nothing i can do, and to me it seems there could be nothing worse than losing control here. who could be more perfect, but more wrong than you? you'd think i'd learn my lesson the first time. this isn't happening again. i refuse to let this happen.

"separate's always better when there's feelings involved."

woah.

this song is absolutely brilliant. i love everything about it. something about it excites me. 

really, really fantastic. listen and enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJoP4U2nQJg

its "Young At Heart" by Amy Meredith. 

sorry i couldn't embed it on here, they disabled it. so click, and enjoy. haha.

damn ;)

magpies: hated.

lately I've been into riding, because i dig it more than running. so this afternoon i figure "hey, I'll just pick up my bike and ride home". after collecting my bike from Vieve's and riding for about thirty seconds down Athllon Drive, i notice a "caution: swooping magpie" sign. i ignored it, as i got swooped near my house yesterday, and it did hardly anything, so i kept riding, expecting the same time of swoop. 

was it anything like the one yesterday? no. 

this bird nearly fecking killed me! i was trying to remain calm and just ride faster, but without even thinking about it, i squealed like a four year old and nearly leaped off my bike and ran, however i managed to hold it together, even though this thing was right behind me. i could see its shadow on the ground, circling me as i rode. but seriously.

CARGHHH! CARGGHH! CARRRRGHHH! SWOOOOOOP! SWOOOOOOP! SWOOOOOOOOP!

DIE, JESSICA! DIEEEEEEEE!

this kind of behaviour continued until i took a detour into an underpass after about 500 metres, then it pissed off and went back to wherever. 

never. ever again. someone needs to remove that bird.

don't ride on athllon drive people. that bird is possessed. 

for once. motivation.

for some reason i have become very motivated to exercise recently, and  its working, which is making me a happypants. and i keep finding more motivation. here is an example, this is my next goal:

i want this dress, and a reason to wear it, SO. BADLY. haha.

please, someone invite me to a formal or a ball or something.

i'm just sayin'.

hah!

jolly old elegant llama.

amazing. bold. cunning. dashing. extraordinary. formidable. greatness. hilarious. intellectual. kindness. lively. mighty. good natured. open. patient. qwozle. reliable. silly. talkative. understanding. vivacious. white. xxxxxxxx? young. zestful. 

scarfy scarfy.

this is a scarf. my mum knitted it for me. i love it. i love her. thus, i took photos of myself wearing it.

yeah, go ahead. think i'm vain.

you also may have noticed (but most likely didn't) that i have ventured into the world of new fonts. this right here, is georgia. see you later, 'trebuchet'!

my life is very boring this evening, just in case you hadn't noticed. 

i need to get out of canberra, there's nothing to do here.

AH WELL. all you lovelies are here, so i guess i can dig. for now.

i think i'm talking too much.

i think its bedtime. or maybe even seinfeld time. yep. bye. x

write me a song.

if you write me one, i'll write you one? hah. probably not, but still.



i love it. he was way better before owl city. get rid of the slight whiney-ness and i'll fall in love with you, adam young.


there is nothing more moving, or romantic, than music.

the things that don't matter.

So here I am, 10.55 on a Thursday night, and for some reason I am both exhausted and absolutely ecstatic. I have no reason to be ecstatic, in fact right now i should be quite stressed about the amount of schoolwork (some overdue, some not) that i have. why aren't i? because i choose to not stress. I'm sixteen, and if i stress now, then I'm doomed to a life of stress later, the way i see it. so here, my friends, is a small collection of my thoughts. things that i believe just don't matter in the grand scheme of things. things that i really don't care about. at all. whatsoever. be uplifted?


You may agree, you may not. some of these things I'll say, I've believed for a while, others are new concepts I've grasped within the last few weeks. regardless, this is what i reckon, make of it what you will.

THINGS THAT I DON'T THINK MATTER:

1) ASSIGNMENTS/STUDY. For those of you who know me well, you'll know that this is a policy I've set up for myself, and I've lived by it all of my educated years. Assignments are nothing but troublemakers, and going to a pushy private high school didn't really help change my point of view. They cause stress, you get too many at one time, you're swamped, you're angry, you have no time for anyone but the dreaded essay outline that sits next to your laptop. All you want to do is rip it to shreds. You decide facebook is a better idea. Then lookbook.nu (check it out, amazing, just sayin'). Then blogger. Then Robot Unicorn Attack. Then facebook again. Before you know it, you're tired on the night before the day its due, and the attitude you have is 'you know what, screw it.'. So then you get 5% off. The cycle begins again. Leave it too long? You win a notional zero. YAY. Yes, it is avoidable. Yes, I could definitely start my assignments as soon as i get them and do them gradually, but I have a social life, and better interests. 

I'd rather be earning money or playing piano or something, then writing some shit about some shit i don't care about. It'll get marked, handed back to me, and I'll throw it away, along with any knowledge I may have (but probably didn't) gained during the process. 
I don't need to know the periodic table, I don't really need to know what a 'Femme Fatale' is (don't worry, I do, just making a point) and I don't exactly need to know Djibouti's neighbouring countries to get by in life. I'm not a stupid person. I was classed as an 'intellectually gifted child' back in my day. So you, Mrs. Art teacher who's opinion I didn't ask for, can take back your remarks about how I'll never get in to uni because I don't care about school work. Who are you to tell me its impossible for me to double my marks? I'll do work if I feel the need. Assignments. Waste of time. Screw you education system. We do have lives, you know.


2) OPINIONS OF OTHERS. This is one of those topics I mentioned earlier that I have only accepted in the last few weeks. I am a little strange. Chances are I probably talk differently, act differently, dress differently, perceive differently, and feel differently from anyone else you've ever met. For a while, i thought there was something wrong with me. No, I'm just different. I'm still a normal, functioning person, really. I will talk how I want, and wear what I want without a care in the world of what you think of me. Of course, I only believe this to an extent. If I'm perfectly honest, I still wish I looked different to how I do. But I have already started to make a change. Let me tell you, when your fitness instructor mother tells you you're looking thinner, it is one of the best feelings in the world. I've never lost weight (the correct and not potentially life threatening way) in my entire life. After years of being picked on for the way I look, I will now turn around and tell you to suck it. I'm happy with who I am. You don't like it? Too bad hey.


3) YOU. YOU SUCK.  I'll keep this one short, because it doesn't need to be long. I am a Christian. And no matter what you do to me, satan, me and Jesus are gonna win, cause we're team awesome. hah. RIGHT ON.


4) ALTERING SELF APPEARANCE. Yes I kind of mentioned this before in the 'opinions of others' section, however this is a bit more specific in my case. I'm an impressionable person, and I always have been. I'm a lot stronger in my thoughts now than what I have been in the past, however I now refuse to change my 'stereotype' if you will to please a particular group of friends or certain attractive males I've met in the past, and who I'm sure I'll come across in the future. This isn't about dyeing my hair or piercings or new shoes or whatever, but about making radical changes to please other people. Eh. I am who I am, fitting in is for squares. 

5) BAD MUSIC/TV SHOWS. I don't have time for you. 104.7, stations like you and the music you play are the source of audible corruption to young ears. The music you play, and their film clips (I'm looking at you, Hit List TV) is not only terrible and generated on a computer with some guy who should learn to play a real instrument, but its sending a bad message to people. You adults wonder why a significant amount of our generation has become 'skankified'. That's why. The stuff you produce and put out into the media, is thrust into the faces of young people faster than you can say 'Kesha'. I was disgusted to hear a child (probably around 6 years old) singing her 'Dirty Picture' -cough- 'song' in my work the other day. Not cool. Really.


6) POLITICS. I care to an extent. I don't like Julia Gillard. I don't like Labor. But I don't need to be hearing about it all the time. I know what's going on. I know what each party offers, and I can't even vote yet. Campaign ad's (and thank the lord they're over) are the worst. Quite frankly I'd rather rip my ears off than hear another dramatic campaign ad. Ugh. Revolting.

7) SERIOUS ATTITUDES. ABOUT EVERYTHING. Lighten up people. There are times when you have to be serious, but to be serious and cynical all day, every day, is just unnecessary. I don't want you to be overly happy all the time, because that's just irritating. All I'm saying is, acting like something isn't hilarious just for the sake of looking 'cool' is effed. I'm not happy all the time, I'll admit that freely, but I can always see a light at the end of the tunnel. Sorry, I really wanted to use a corny metaphor :D I'm like, sooo uncool right now.. -hair flick-




So there it is people. The world would be a better place if people didn't care about such trivial things so much. Dig life. YEE-UH!

so like, yeah.

dear teenage years,


eff you. you're usually pretty damn sweet, but sometimes you can be a right bitch for no reason at all. so for future reference, please refrain from making me pissed of at stupid things, and making me think of things that i wish didn't bother me at all. don't get me wrong, i love you. you allow me to be an idiot and do things i can't get away with when i'm older, like dyeing my hair ridiculous colours, hooking up, spending ridiculous amounts of time on the internet, or wearing clothes only a youngen could, but you have a tendency to irritate me, and that's pretty much it. 


thanks for your time. stick around, but be nicer to me. cool,


jess x